Mental Health at Christmas
For some, there are circumstances that become magnified leading up to a time of year for celebrating with others, there are many thoughts and feelings that make an appearance, leading you to think this is not a time for celebration, but a time for loneliness.
There can be a sense of obligation; pressure to deliver the right gifts to to loved ones, or making sure you appease certain family members by being with them on this special day. A political minefield creating internal disagreement and tension.
You can, if you are struggling with your mental health at Christmas, feel duty bound to provide joy, connection and engagement, when you are really suffering loneliness and disconnection. This chasm between your feelings and where others would like you to be may seem too wide and too distant to reach and connect.
Loved ones may have died, taking with them traditions held so dearly. A familiarity and comfort that came along with these traditions now start to fade. We may ignore ideas of bringing back old traditions through fear of the pain that can come to the surface when we think of those no longer with us.
Families may have fallen out, not spoken for years. Anger and resentment resides between you, though all you desire is for the tension to dissolve so you can enjoy their company again.
You may feel isolated because others around you seem happy and joyful, creating a deeper sense of loneliness.
Christmas, and the holidays, disrupt regular life. Without routine – a therapeutic buffer crucial to the benefits of our mental wellness – there can be a lost sense of control, exacerbating stress and tension, feeding into our anxiety and depression.
Ways to create more connection at Christmas
There are things you can do to help yourself:
- Try and create a routine that will help you have some sense of control throughout the holidays.
- Lean into old family traditions, even though it may feel scary, to bring back some of that nostalgia experienced when you were younger.
- Tell people what you need at this time of year, this may require you to increase your courage a little.
- Listen. If someone seems to be missing the spirit of the holiday season, they may need a person to see and hear what they are going through. If they are heard, their sense of loneliness lessens. I know mine does.
The gift of connection
Loneliness and isolation come from a sense of not being heard, seen, understood. To feel connected takes effort from you, though that depends on what part you play.
If you are feeling lonely or depressed at this time of year, it will be beneficial to increase your courage and express what you need to others. I know this is extremely difficult because reaching people may have been hard for you all year, and in past experience you have not felt heard or seen.
If you notice someone is missing that Christmas spirit, it might be your opportunity to stop. You may not want to feel down around Christmas, but instead of seeing another as the Grinch, maybe ask them what is going on for them? Maybe the biggest gift you can give this Christmas is to understand what another person is going through.
If we talk and listen, we will connect. If we speak authentically and listen with wholehearted curiosity, we will connect.
We can not survive without love and connection, they are powerful gifts to life.
Connect gently,
Warm regards,
Glen – Therapist
